I can’t remember a moment in my life when singing didn’t identify me. My voice has always been one of the biggest parts of me and I consider singing one of my most favorite things to do. I never used to shy away from singing in the church youth choir, I was eager to sing for my family and friends whenever they asked me to, and I never failed to come to my weekly voice lessons with an extra pep in my step. Within the past few years, though, I have started to dread the idea of performing. I don’t know why I would get so anxious before I would have to sing in front of others during mass or for recitals or competitions, but I grew to resent every second of being heard solo on stage. I lived for rehearsals and lessons though, and I still do, because there is no pressure to deliver a polished performance or produce a rehearsed, easy, effortless sound in a rehearsal setting, so without that stressor, I would sing much better in rehearsal than I would in performance because I would choke when I realized that I would only get one shot to get everything right.
I think I started hating performance because the pressures of high school competitions were getting to me. Suddenly I was singing to secure my enrollment in college and win cash and earn a state title and I found myself thinking that I could screw up and embarrass myself in front of everyone and I wouldn’t be known as a good singer anymore. I hated myself when I thought this way, and these thoughts gave me too much tension to sing with ease, which would cause me to sing poorly in performance. My anxiety toward singing made me start to question who I was and what I wanted to do because if I had known anything about myself before, it was that I wanted to sing for the rest of my life.
This new attitude that I had toward singing had me doubting what I wanted to make of my future, especially as college was quickly approaching. This is one of the reasons why I chose to switch from a Music Performance major to a Music Education major. By the end of my senior year, I realized that I wanted to make choir my career rather than solo singing. I had been a soloist all my life, but it wasn’t until I started singing in choir in high school when my voice truly made me feel like I had found my place in the world. I never got nervous performing with a choir. In fact, I found that I was in my best voice when I would sing in choir concerts. I am obsessed with everything having to choral music and I cannot wait to make it and be surrounded by it for the rest of my life because I know that it is what I am supposed to be doing.
Annie Stanger
I think I started hating performance because the pressures of high school competitions were getting to me. Suddenly I was singing to secure my enrollment in college and win cash and earn a state title and I found myself thinking that I could screw up and embarrass myself in front of everyone and I wouldn’t be known as a good singer anymore. I hated myself when I thought this way, and these thoughts gave me too much tension to sing with ease, which would cause me to sing poorly in performance. My anxiety toward singing made me start to question who I was and what I wanted to do because if I had known anything about myself before, it was that I wanted to sing for the rest of my life.
This new attitude that I had toward singing had me doubting what I wanted to make of my future, especially as college was quickly approaching. This is one of the reasons why I chose to switch from a Music Performance major to a Music Education major. By the end of my senior year, I realized that I wanted to make choir my career rather than solo singing. I had been a soloist all my life, but it wasn’t until I started singing in choir in high school when my voice truly made me feel like I had found my place in the world. I never got nervous performing with a choir. In fact, I found that I was in my best voice when I would sing in choir concerts. I am obsessed with everything having to choral music and I cannot wait to make it and be surrounded by it for the rest of my life because I know that it is what I am supposed to be doing.
Annie Stanger