A lot of my revisions have come from me speaking about my own paper. Talking aloud about it helps me realize mistakes I've made and places where the piece can grow. I spoke with Joshua about my letter and he enjoyed most parts of it. At this point I needed to add more content which made it harder on him to evaluate my writing. I am in the process of adding new material to bulk and support my claims made earlier. Originally, I had all the points I wanted to entertain throughout my letter, listed at the bottom. I am now going to keep it because if a school board were to read this, it could be helpful in understanding.
1) Does it need more length?
2) Does the picture take away from the letter?
3) Is the summary list necessary?
I am proud of my introduction. I think from the first sentence the reader is hooked. My statistics aren't too overused and known that they are skimmed over. My graph doesn't take away from the piece or claim anything new, but adds to what I've already said. I used the given sources as well as others to find information narrowed and specific for just my topic.
Carter Odean